On the edge...

... of the unknown.  I am excited, nervous, a bit scared, mostly excited!

Tomorrow is my appointment with my NaPro Dr.  :-)

This will be my initial visit and some testing, possibly ordering some labs and getting some prescriptions, maybe an ultrasound to see my ovaries, possibly discussing a lap to check for endometriosis... just guesses.  I am working hard on not obsessing and trying not to get carried away with attempting to predict and prepare for every possible scenario.

Last week I was going kinda nutso, Tom and I went out for dinner and left the kids with our wonderful friends.  It was so good to talk about my feelings with him.  I was feeling a little alone on the fertility train... but he really is right there beside me, holding my hand, making sure I don't jump overboard with crazy obsession and paranoia.  He is so good for me.  I started into a long discussion about how I am doing this and this and I think this will happen and what if this happens and what do we think about this possibility, on and on.  He looked at me and said "Above all, I want you to be healthy and with me for as long as possible.  If getting you healthy means we can have more children, I would love that.  We will not take short-cuts and do things that may harm you.  Let's see what the Dr finds and recommends and we will ask questions and research as things come up.  I love you.  Calm down."  (Paraphrased but that's the gist.)

I've been much better since then.  :-)

I know that while I have all the daily charting and testing and observing and temping and things that I can do and be absorbed in, it may seem that he is hardly participating (except obvious necessities, ha!)... but that is not the case.  I know that he is thinking about it and working very hard to stash away money for treatments and probably bearing more of the burden than I realize.

So, pray for us!  We are leaving at 9am and have a 2 1/2 hour drive to Duke University.  My appt is at 1:30pm.  I will post an update here as soon as I can.  We are driving another 4 hours down to SC to see some wonderful friends and spend the weekend with them.  It will be very nice.  Thank you!

Need a booster

Only lost one pound this past week, so time to start making some changes to speed things back up. Shall I drink more water and exercise or cut out beans and nuts from my diet? Hmmmm, think, think, think...

In other news, the SAM-e does seem to be helping my panic attacks/ breathless / heart palpitations. I am managing well currently.

My smoothies have been giving me a bit of nausea right after drinking. The maca seems to give me a headache when I started and when I upped my doseage - only for a day though and not a bad one.

Feeling pretty good overall, been a bit moody this week but starting the progesterone cream seems to have helped some.

Symptoms today

Had another better day today. I was feeling really quite good this morning, didn't take my supplements until around 4pm though and I was feeling really, really tired by then. I think it was helping me to take them earlier in the day, to not get that exhausted 3pm thing. I woke up with a stiffness in my right shoulder and right side of my neck, not horrid but it's been there all day. I have a bit of discomfort in my throat, and am slightly constipated - and today I noticed that the patch of dry skin on my scalp seems to be returning. That is a yeast symptom for me and went away after my yeast detox diet over a year ago... it stayed away quite a while too. I am back on the diet now, so I hope it doesn't get bad. The evenings seem to be worse for me with the breathing issues. I need to do better with water still - need to get out a pitcher and fill it in the morning and pour from it through the day so I can see how much I am actually drinking and force myself to finish it. I did exercise today. I know that others are praying for me and I so appreciate it. Good night!

A sad day

Word came today that a dear friend passed away. I am so sad. Nothing else seems important enough to say right now and I am completely wiped out, so that's all for now.

The last few days

I haven't taken the time to post but wanted to get in an update. I have been doing okay, kept up the fast all week so far and exercised twice. Best of all, I have been spending more time in prayer and reflecting on Bible readings. Things have been busy and stressful with work, but doing better today. I started my cycle again! It's only been 3 weeks, so I don't know what that is all about but better shorter than longer I'd say. I thought I was going insane yesterday and today and then discovered why... whew! Glad there was a reason I was crying and angry and just basically going nuts.

Confessions...

I have done poorly this weekend, for several reasons. We had our annual company dinner Friday night, which I knew about before I started the fast and decided that I would just plan to make an exception for. We had a great time but Saturday morning was also day 10 of my Amish Friendship bread, so I baked it that morning and was weak - very weak. The major reason though was that I was not supporting my weak flesh through prayer. I am restarting tomorrow morning and will be doing the 2 weeks all over again. I am sorry Lord for making promises I didn't keep, I am sorry to my dear friend for committing and falling short, and I am sorry for failing myself. Please pray for my strength in the coming weeks?

Fasting

I am fasting and praying the next two weeks, not only for my health and a baby, but also for a dear friend who is going through a horrible time in her marriage. I am praying for her lost husband who needs the Lord and for her strength as she prays for him and forgives him day after day, believing that God can save their marriage.